Kissing the Player (The Dangers of Dating a Diva Book 1) Read online

  Andrew snorted with amusement as Simone rolled her eyes.

  “Kidding, kidding,” I said before she could smack me.

  Ryan, who’d heard the whole thing, was glowering at us. “You guys think you’re so funny, but who’s laughing now? I won the bet.”

  “And I owe you nothing,” I reminded him. “I had nothing at stake.” You know, aside from my heart. But he didn’t need to know that. Because much as this guy might bluster and shout, I knew without a doubt that the only reason he’d wanted revenge on Rose was because he’d been hurt by her too. Probably just his ego, but still… He’d been nursing a wound after a breakup so he’d at least had some sort of valid excuse. Unlike me. I should have gotten over her years ago. If I’d been smart, I wouldn’t have let her go in the first place. I should have fought for her then, but I hadn’t…

  But I would fight for her now. And I wouldn’t give up until she realized that she wasn’t her mom and I wasn’t a threat.

  She deserved better—better than me, most likely, but I meant to change that. I’d judged her too harshly in the past…

  I looked to Ryan and the others. We all had.

  Ryan’s friend Pete was shaking his head with amusement. “You’re both pathetic. That chick got both of you twisted up in knots playing her little games.”

  “You’re just pissed because she’s never chosen you,” Ryan said.

  “And she doesn’t play games—” I started and then stopped. “Well, maybe she does, but so do we.” I pointed to Pete. “You were hooking up with how many different girls last week? And you,” I said, shifting my finger to point at Ryan. “How many girls have you made promises to you never intended to keep?”

  Ryan smirked. “That’s different, bro.”

  His friend smacked his chest, utterly satisfied by himself. “I’m a player, dude. That’s the way I roll.”

  “You play games,” I said. “We all do. Rose is no different. You’re just pissed because she doesn’t play by your rules.”

  All of the guys at the table stared at me in confusion as Simone grinned next to me. “Oh this is good,” she muttered as she stole one of my chips. “The players got played.” She spoke a little louder for once so I wasn’t the only one who heard. “I think Rose might be my new role model.”

  Ryan shot her a vicious scowl, but it was Andrew who leaned forward and blocked Simone from the Neanderthal’s glare as I regained his attention. “If anything, Ryan, I think you ought to help me make this right,” I said.

  “What for?” He wore a sneer that was sort of comical in its bemusement.

  “Because we’ve been unfair to her and much as you might insist on acting like a total meathead, the fact that Rose chose to date you suggests that you’re…probably a decent guy.”

  That was the thing. Rose had taste. I felt my lips tugging up. That’s why she’d liked me…

  That’s why she still did.

  I knew she did, whether she admitted it or not.

  Ryan’s tough guy attitude seemed to fade a bit and for a second, he looked like an overgrown kid. “What do you want me to do?”

  “Nothing…yet. Just go along with my plans.” I turned to Simone. “But I am going to need your help.”

  Simone was obviously only too eager to help and the next afternoon after school, I ditched band practice early to finish up our little project that Simone insisted on referring to as my ‘grand grovel’ instead of my ‘grand gesture,’ as I liked to call it.

  “How’d band practice go?” she asked as she took a paint can off the shelf in her garage.

  “You know…I was going to kill Rose when she sicced her friend Bianca on me to sing some songs at the fundraiser, but now…” I grinned. “It worked out perfectly.”

  Simone was smiling too as she shook her head in disbelief. “So you’re really doing this.”

  I nodded. “I’m in it to win it, baby.”

  “Never call me baby again.”

  “Deal.” I pointed to the signs she’d stolen from the backstage area at school. “Shall we?”

  She put her glasses on and pulled her hair up in a ponytail. “Let’s do this.”

  We worked side by side and by the time her dad was telling her to clean up for dinner, we were done.

  “You know you’re the best, right?” I said as I paused in the doorway to leave.

  “Of course, I do.” Her faux seriousness made me laugh as she shut the door behind me.

  I’d just reached the edge of the driveway when I spotted her.

  Rose. Purple hair and sexy black leggings were headed toward me and…

  Holy freakin’ crap. This girl could stop traffic without even trying. She didn’t see me at first since her gaze was on the ground in front of her but when she looked up…

  Her eyes widened in surprise and for a second I caught it.

  Vulnerable. Fragile. Defenseless.

  My heart twisted in agony because this was the real Rose and she was perfection. She was flawed and she was troubled and she was a little vain and a lot insecure. She also had a bigger heart than anyone realized and the capacity to feel so deeply she chose to keep that well hidden rather than expose it to the world and risk getting hurt.

  I saw it all now…

  Now that I was too late.

  “What are you doing here?” she asked, tucking some hair behind her ear.

  “I needed Simone’s help with an art project,” I said. This was…not a total lie.

  Her silence was killer. I wanted her to say something. Anything.

  “Okay, well…see you around, I guess.”

  Anything but that. “Rose, wait…”

  She paused but I had no idea what to say. I’d said everything there was to say the other day and it had gotten me nowhere. But maybe it wasn’t about me. I cleared my throat. “How’s your monologue coming along?”

  Her head lifted and her eyes flashed with surprise. That’s when I realized that Rose spent so much time flattering guys, and making people laugh and smile or even roll their eyes, that no one took the time to ask her about her life.

  And that, I had no doubt, was entirely on purpose.

  The lengths this girl went to in order to keep the world safely at bay were almost…impressive. Sad, but impressive. The walls were steep and they were high, but I would knock them down or die trying.

  I felt my lips curve up because, yeah…clearly she wasn’t the only one with a penchant for melodrama.

  “Fine,” she said. Her glance flickered toward Simone’s front door. “That’s actually why I’m here. I’m hoping Simone will help me to improve.”

  Right. She was here for Simone. I mean, I could have guessed that since we were standing in front of Simone’s house, but there’d still been a little hope there that maybe my mom had told her I was here or something.

  I took a deep breath. I was down but not out. I’d show her what she meant to me, and my plan started tomorrow.

  “See ya around, Jax,” she said as she moved to pass me.

  “Yeah. See ya.” I looked over my shoulder and watched her walk away…just like last time.

  But this time?

  I wasn’t going to let her go.

  Not until she knew exactly how I felt about her.

  19

  Rose

  My heart was still beating furiously as I watched Jax walk away.

  The guy had swagger, I’d give him that.

  And great hands. And a sexy grin. And freakin’ eyes to die for. And…

  Wait, where was I going with this?

  “Rose?” Simone called my name from behind me and I saw her hovering in the doorway.

  “Hey!” I shook off the daze as I smiled at Simone.

  “If you’re here to see Jax, he just left and—”

  “No, actually, I came to see you.” I pushed the memory of Jax far, far away as I focused on what I came here to say. “Can we talk for a second?”

  “Uh, sure…”

  I took a deep breath, but
I wasn’t going to turn back.

  Last night I’d turned to the Diva Squad for advice again. Or rather, to run Simone’s feedback by them and see if they agreed. What I’d gotten was a whole lot of snark from Jenna and a wise non-answer from Layne, who’d finally checked her social media for the first time in forever. She replied with a meme of the Paul Cezanne quote, “A work of art which did not begin in emotion is not art.”

  Enough said, right? She didn’t outright say it—none of them did—but it was obvious they thought Simone was right. And when I got my ego out of the way and really stopped to think about it…I knew Simone was right.

  I’d gotten so good at hiding my emotions, that I wasn’t sure how to even begin to tap into them. I had a bad feeling that once I stopped covering things up, a whole freakin’ world of misery and self-doubt would be waiting for me. But if I wanted to be a great actress—and I did—then I had to face my fears for once.

  And that meant no more acting in real life. No more confusing lying for acting. No more mixing up reality and fiction and trying to create a persona that didn’t exist.

  From here on out, all my acting would be done on the stage. And off-stage…

  Well, that was something I’d have to work out on my own. Figuring out how to be me without being ‘on’ all the time was something I needed to untangle by myself.

  “Here’s the thing,” I said when Simone led me into her bedroom, which was a veritable shrine to the film industry. Posters from an eclectic array of films covered her walls. “You were right about what I need to work on with my acting,” I said when she shut the door behind me. “I’m sorry I bit your head off.”

  She smiled. “That’s okay.”

  “I was hoping that maybe…” I cleared my throat. “I’ve been looking for an acting coach and it turns out they are really expensive, so I thought maybe…” I arched my brows. “Would you be up for helping me?”

  She blinked in surprise. “Umm…”

  “I’ll pay you,” I add quickly. “I don’t have a lot, but I can definitely pay you for your time.”

  “You don’t have to do that,” she said. I could tell she was thinking it over as she nibbled on her lower lip. “I’m not an expert…”

  “You could have fooled me,” I joked. “And I don’t need someone who’s studied the Meisner technique. I just need someone who understands art and the creative process which…” I looked around at the film posters and the homemade art that dotted the empty spaces in between. “You clearly fit the bill.”

  “I…” She bit her lip again. “I’ll try my best?”

  I grinned and gave her an impulsive hug that would have made Hannah-the-hugger proud. “That’s all I can ask.”

  “When do you want to start?” she asked.

  We worked out a schedule and then her dad poked his head in, announcing it was dinner time, which meant it was time for me to head over to Hannah’s.

  My mom’s new guy was coming to our place for dinner and I had no desire to join in on the new couple’s alone time. Besides, if I wanted to get my mom out of my head, I had to get away from my mom.

  Maybe one day I’d be in a place where her words didn’t hurt me, where her fears didn’t leak into my own…but this was not that day.

  Besides, Hannah was helping me finalize the last of the details before the big event tomorrow and I needed all the distraction I could get. Also, I needed her help for a whole other event that I hadn’t actually told her about yet…

  A little while later Hannah was peering into the brown paper bag as if she’d never seen hair dye before. Maybe she hadn’t. This girl was as low-maintenance as they came. “You want me to…dye your hair?”

  I nodded. “I need your help.”

  “But you always do it yourself.”

  I snatched the bag back. “Yes, well, this time I need moral support.”

  She blinked rapidly in incomprehension. “But it’s…brown.”

  I met her gaze evenly. “It is.”

  “But you never go brown. That’s your—”

  “Natural hair color, yes, I know,” I said, with more than a hint of sarcasm. “I’m trying something new.”

  She arched her brows. “What’s that?”

  I drew in a deep breath. “Being myself.”

  Her eyes went so wide it looked painful. “That’s…that’s…”

  And we were hugging again. I loved Hannah and Hannah loved hugs. That’s just the way it was.

  “That’s so great,” she said, her voice choked with emotion.

  “Yeah, well…”

  She drew back as I trailed off, weirdly embarrassed because...well, just because. This was weird to talk about.

  “What prompted this?” she asked as she reached for the bag again.

  I shrugged. “I don’t know.”

  Lie. I could hear Jax’s annoying accusation in my head.

  “Is it super obvious when I’m lying?” I asked.

  Hannah pursed her lips and shook her head. “Are you kidding? You are the queen of fibs and you know it.”

  “You make it sound like I’m a compulsive liar.”

  Hannah laughed as she pulled out the dye and started reading the back. “You’re a compulsive actor, there’s a difference.”

  She was quoting me back to me—it was something I’d said a lot over the years. But now I was realizing how wrong I was. Acting was only acting when I was on stage. In real life? It was just lying. Faking.

  It was another form of hiding.

  “So basically, I’m a compulsive liar,” I muttered.

  She peered up at me. “Are you okay?”

  I nodded. “I’m just…I’m tired.”

  She continued to watch me, waiting for me to continue.

  “Actually, I’m exhausted. Being on all the time is tiring.”

  She shifted. “This wouldn’t have anything to do with Jax, would it?”

  I tensed at the mention of his name. “No, of course not.”

  Lie. Ugh, he wouldn’t get out of my head.

  I huffed. “Okay, maybe. A little bit. I mean, what he said about me shutting people out…” I looked at my friend. “He’s kind of right.”

  Hannah didn’t argue.

  “And I’m tired of being scared. Tired of worrying about turning out like my mom. Tired of trying to make her happy and play the part everyone else has cast me in.” I gave her a small smile. “I’m tired of being typecast.”

  She laughed softly at my attempt at a joke.

  “You know sometimes I think that maybe…” I swallowed the lump that was choking me. “I think sometimes I’m performing all the time because I want to be loved, you know? I want approval. I want people to like me.”

  Hannah nodded, her eyes soft with sympathy. “I do know.”

  “I want to be loved, but what’s the point if I’m not loved for who I am…whoever that is.” I finished with a mutter as I shook my head, disgusted with myself for being so emotional.

  If Jax didn’t want drama then he’d do best to stay far away from me.

  Ugh, the guy was in my head, morning, noon, and night. I couldn’t go two seconds without thinking of him and everything he’d said.

  “This is all his fault,” I said with more anger than I really felt. “If Jax hadn’t made it his mission to get close to me, if he hadn’t made me like him and called me out on my crap…” I took a deep breath, unable to finish. “It’s his fault.”

  Hannah seemed to know it because her expression grew even more empathetic. “He’s a jerk for what he did,” she said. “But maybe in this case…he’s not totally to blame?” She gave me a wince like she was ready for me to argue or snap at her.

  I couldn’t. She was right.

  This wasn’t him, it was me.

  I couldn’t be mad at him for telling me he liked me—me, the real me—I could only be mad at myself for not saying it back.

  For not trusting myself and not trusting him…

  I rubbed a hand over my eyes. I
was seriously so tired of being scared.

  “Let’s just get this over with,” I said, nodding toward the bottle of dye.

  The next day, River joined us, showing up to our school early to help with the setup. I’d convinced the principal to let us use the entire back parking lot and we’d transformed it into a fair that was…well, not quite as cool as the one at the end of Grease, but it wasn’t too shabby.

  Simone offered to deal with the kissing booth set up and I left Jax and his band buddies in charge of the makeshift stage and all the equipment.

  One day.

  That was all I had to get through. Then it would be back to my normal life with rehearsals and a scholarship competition and schoolwork and friends and…no Jax.

  “You okay?” Hannah asked.

  I turned to see her holding my clipboard. She’d taken over the to-do list, apparently, and River was standing beside her. They were both eyeing me oddly…like I might fall apart at any second.

  “I’m fine!” I said for the millionth time.

  They exchanged a look that said they didn’t believe me. I opened my mouth to try and convince them but stopped when I heard music.

  Not just any music.

  I heard… Grease?

  I blinked a few times and spun in a circle like a moron before I realized it was coming from the stage.

  The melody to “You’re the One That I Want” called to me like a siren song and I was only vaguely aware that Hannah and River were following behind me. “What on earth…” I started as the crowd of seniors parted to let me through.

  There he was.

  Jax.

  My Jax.

  And he was singing the John Travolta part with an entirely too smug Bianca.

  His eyes met mine and I didn’t know whether to laugh or cry. What the…

  What was he doing? He hated this song. He despised this movie.

  But he was singing a song from it and he was…singing it to me.

  The moment I broke through, his gaze found mine and he never looked away.

  He was singing it…

  To me.

  And it didn’t stop there.

  My mouth was hanging open in a supremely unsexy way as he launched into a ballad from Les Misérables.