The Perfect League (Briarwood High Book 3) Read online

  Yeah, I was totally going to hell.

  Her gaze shot up to mine once more and her obvious irritation was a bit of a relief, to be honest. “What did you mean ‘someone I hardly know?’” she asked. “I know you.”

  I gave a half shrug. “Not well.”

  She was silent for too long before she mumbled, “Yeah, I guess I’m starting to realize that.”

  What did that mean? But I knew what it meant. She’d expected a different reaction after that kiss. She’d probably thought I’d tell her how much I liked her or maybe ask her out on a date.

  She really didn’t know me at all if she didn’t realize that I was a loner at school by choice. Just like I was single by choice, and would stay that way until I was out of this town and done with school.

  “Look,” I said, hating myself in every way imaginable for not being the kind of guy she so clearly wanted me to be. The guy she obviously thought I was if she’d let me be her first kiss.

  Man, I was such a jerk.

  She shifted in front of me, toying with the zipper on her track jacket as she met my gaze.

  I let out a loud exhale. “Look,” I started again. “I don’t know what you thought was going on here, but—”

  “I thought you kissed me,” she said. “Was I wrong about that? Was that someone else’s tongue in my mouth? Because it sure seemed like you were there.”

  I ran a hand through my hair. As I did I caught sight of the tattoos that covered my arm. I’d gotten them the summer before when I had too many drinks with a guy I guess had sort of been my friend. This arm did not belong to a guy who dated Juliette Helms. It just didn’t. Yes, maybe I’d been the guy kissing her, but it shouldn’t have been me.

  “I’m sorry,” I said, my normally low voice so gruff it was barely audible. I cleared my throat and tried again. “I shouldn’t have done that.”

  She winced and I felt it like a sucker punch. “Great, so he’s apologizing now,” she mumbled to herself. “My first kiss and he’s apologizing for it.”

  “If I’d known you’d never been kissed—”

  “What?” she demanded. “You wouldn’t have kissed me?”

  “No.”

  I heard her inhale and this time it sounded like she was the one who’d been sucker punched.

  Crap. Nothing about this was going right. I should never have kissed her. I’d crossed a line and now there was no going back.

  Still, I tried again because I liked Juliette. She was a sweet girl—a genuine, kind girl who deserved better than this. She deserved better than me. I reached out and placed my hands on her shoulders, moving closer so she was forced to look at me.

  That was a mistake. Moving closer meant being close enough to feel the warmth coming from her body, to smell that shampoo again and hear her breathing.

  Dammit. Why had I done that? Right, because she deserved a proper apology. More than that, she deserved an explanation.

  “I wouldn’t have kissed you if I’d known, but not for whatever reasons you’re thinking,” I said. She arched her brows in question, waiting for me to continue.

  I swallowed, forcing myself to focus the words coming out of my mouth rather than the feel of her so close to me.

  “You deserve to have your first kiss with someone special.”

  She frowned. “What, you’re not special?”

  I bit back a groan. She was being deliberately obtuse. She was going to make me spell this out. “I don’t date, Juliette. I don’t do relationships.” I dropped my hands from her arms. “Hell, I don’t even do friends, if you haven’t noticed.”

  She opened her mouth to protest but I stopped her.

  “I know what you’re going to say. I could have friends if I tried. But I don’t want to try. I’m not like you, Jules. Being popular isn’t important to me, I have no desire to fit in.”

  “So what is important to you?” she asked, her voice oddly quiet.

  You. That one word almost slipped out as if of its own volition. I stopped it. Because while it might be true, to some degree, it wasn’t the most important thing. “Family,” I said. “And getting into college so I can get a good job and help my mom and sister.” I shrugged. That was the God’s honest truth.

  She nodded. “Okay, I get that.”

  She started to back away but I didn’t like the distance—the physical distance she was putting between us or the wall that seemed to have sprung up between us. “You get it?”

  She nodded. “You know, believe it or not, being popular was never a priority for me either. And neither was dating.” She stopped backing away when the back of her legs hit my desk chair but she crossed her arms, putting another barrier between us. “You act like you know me so well, but it’s becoming clear that we don’t really know one another at all.”

  I nodded, because that was the truth. That’s what I’d been saying, wasn’t it? So how come it felt so crappy hearing it from her mouth? Maybe because I’d just kissed those lips, maybe because every time we talked it felt like there was a bond between us, some sort of connection that grew stronger with every conversation, every touch, every look.

  Until I’d severed it, neatly and efficiently, by telling her that kiss had been a mistake. And that I didn’t date.

  I told the world’s sweetest and kindest human being that I did not date. After kissing the hell out of her.

  What the hell was wrong with me?

  But my self-recriminations were not doing anyone any good. Besides, Juliette was already reaching for her backpack.

  “What about tutoring?” I asked. Something suspiciously close to panic gave my voice an edge. I didn’t want to see her walk out that door, and I sure as hell didn’t want to know that it would be the last time I saw her…outside of school, at least.

  She gave me a small smile that didn’t reach her eyes as she tucked a loose strand of hair behind her ears. “I think maybe I should find someone else, if you don’t mind. It’s not that—”

  “Yeah, of course,” I said way too quickly. Disappointment had cut through me like a knife and I’d needed to say something to make her stop talking. I forced a casual shrug. “Whatever you want to do.” I added that last part in a more normal tone as if that would somehow make this less weird.

  She nodded. “Okay, cool.”

  “Cool.” We were both nodding now, probably looking like idiots if there were anyone else around to see us. As it was, it was just us.

  “Connor! I’m hungry!”

  And Gina. I’d almost forgotten entirely about my sister until her voice cracked the silence and oddly helped to ease the tension.

  I looked up toward the ceiling. “I’d better go feed her before she gets too cranky.”

  Juliette gave me another small smile. “Yeah, you’d better go take care of that.”

  The smell of lasagna had made it down the stairs and a waft of it hit us when I opened the door. I turned back to her. I didn’t want her to leave. I didn’t want to say goodbye. This might have been the most awkward moment I’d ever experienced, but that didn’t change the fact that I didn’t want it to end. “Do you want to stay for—”

  “No.” Now it was her turn to answer too quickly, it seemed. I watched in fascination as she licked her lips. “I mean, no thank you. I should probably head home.”

  I opened my mouth to say…something. I don’t even know what, I just didn’t want her to leave like this. But she was already moving past me, her head down as she raced toward the stairs. “I’ll see you in school tomorrow, Connor,” she said as she reached the stairs.

  She never looked back.

  Chapter Seven

  Juliette

  I avoided Connor the whole next day. Not because I was angry with him, but because I was a coward. And embarrassed.

  Basically, I was a humiliated coward.

  I’d been off my game all day—having a harder time than ever even pretending to concentrate in my classes, and at practice…well, apparently I was so off it had caused some concern.


  “Hey, Jules, you all right?” Aubrey and Stephanie stopped beside my locker as I finished getting ready. I’d given them a smile when they’d approached and that smile grew automatically in the face of that question. “Of course.”

  Was I all right? No!

  But I hadn’t said that, had I? Wonderful. Now I was a humiliated coward who lied.

  Aubrey and Stephanie exchanged a look and it was clear they’d been talking about me. I slammed my locker shut. This day just kept getting better and better.

  “We’re worried about you,” Stephanie said. Her short blonde waves were pinned back in such a way that her eyebrows seemed absurdly high on her forehead.

  Or maybe that was a side effect of how worried she was about me.

  Aubrey’s face, on the other hand, was all pinched with concern. Her lips were puckered up like she’d just eaten a lemon.

  The two of them together looked pretty funny, actually. I had to swallow down a laugh, because…well, because they were so very worried. About me. Now this was a change of pace for all of us. Prior to this moment, it was understood that when a teammate had problems, I had the shoulders to cry on. If someone was in trouble, I was your girl. Need a ride home from a party? Call Juliette. You get the idea. So this right here? This was like a scene from some bizarro world where everything was flipped upside down. Next thing you knew, Aubrey would take a vow of silence.

  That thought only made the urge to laugh stronger, but not necessarily in a good way. It felt more like a hysterical laugh. The kind that bubbled up out of crazed panic or emotional overload.

  They exchanged another look and I could almost see the silent conversation between them over who was going to talk next and what they would say. Clearly this was planned. Staged, even.

  Oh my God. This was an intervention.

  “You’ve been acting a little weird lately,” Stephanie said slowly.

  Clearly she’d won the invisible coin toss on who would lead this awkward conversation.

  “Why didn’t you tell us you were tutoring?” Aubrey said. “I mean, it’s cool of you to do, but do you have the time?”

  Stephanie winced at Aubrey’s question. Maybe Aubrey had gone off script. Oh no, Aubrey’s gone rogue!

  “What she means is, you seemed distracted at practice yesterday and today you were….”

  “You were barely even there,” Aubrey finished. Her look was accusatory.

  Oh the horror! My inner voice wasn’t typically sarcastic, but this was a week of firsts. First kiss, first rejection, and now first inner glimpse at my inner snarky witch. So sorry if I didn’t bring my A-game to one practice. So sorry that I couldn’t be the team’s cheerleader and star player and smiling face of optimism like I am all the freakin’ time.

  I didn’t say any of this, obviously. I stood there smiling blankly like a moron.

  Because I was a moron.

  And not just because I was failing. No, I was an idiot because I’d been lying to myself, and to these girls. My own words came back to haunt me. I don’t care what people think. I don’t need people to like me.

  Oh really, hotshot? Then why don’t you tell them the truth? Why don’t you tell them that you’ve been acting “off” because you’re stressing the hell out over the very real threat of failing out. That you might have to quit the team if you don’t get your grades up.

  “Is this because of Connor Matthews?” Aubrey asked.

  She had a judgy look in her eyes that I hated.

  I straightened, my dumb smile finally fading at the sound of his name. “What?”

  They exchanged another look and I honestly had a vision of clunking their heads together if they gave each other one more knowing look like that.

  “You’ve been acting weird ever since you started tutoring him,” Stephanie said.

  “That’s crazy,” I muttered. It wasn’t much of a defense, but it was the best I could do considering I wasn’t exactly pleased with him myself. Not to mention, my weirdness at practice today very definitely had to do with him, and that kiss, and the massive waves of disappointment that had followed. I looked at my friends. They didn’t know any of that, and I definitely wasn’t going to tell them about it now when it was clear they’d only judge my choice of crush. Besides, the change in me they’d noticed had started well before Connor and his kisses. I turned to shut my locker.

  “I see the way he looks at you,” Stephanie said.

  I spun back around so quickly my head spun. She did? What did she see? How did he look at me? A ridiculous surge of hopefulness reared up inside me, temporarily replacing the stress and the guilt and the shame.

  I clung to that feeling, even though I knew it was idiotic. I mean, he’d made it clear that he didn’t like me. Not like that, at least. And I didn’t like him, either.

  No, that was a lie. Apparently I was becoming quite the accomplished liar without even meaning to.

  I had to stop lying to myself, at the very least. And the truth was, I liked him. I genuinely liked him. How did I know? Because I’d never really liked a guy before. Not like that. It wasn’t like I was one of those girls who was prone to crushes. I wasn’t. Like, at all. I didn’t even want to like a guy. I had enough distractions in my life, and this crush, or whatever it was, it was starting to be the biggest distraction of them all.

  But it wasn’t like I’d planned it. It wasn’t like I’d tried to fall for my tutor. These feelings for Connor had just kind of snuck up on me.

  Oh, who was I kidding? They’d kind of hit me over the head like a sledgehammer when I heard his voice singing a song he’d written for me so I would pass my Spanish test.

  And now, I was a hopeful idiot, because despite that amazing, epic kiss—or at least, I assumed it was amazing and epic for him too, but what did I know? But despite that kiss, he’d pushed me away. He’d told me point blank that he didn’t date, and he didn’t want to date me.

  Yet, I was still waiting for my teammates to speak like they might solve all my problems with these next words. How did he look at me? Was I right, did he like me back? Was there a reason to have hope after all?

  Oh God, my inner monologue was starting to sound way too much like Aubrey at her most insane.

  Aubrey scowled at me. “The way he looks at you is creepy. It’s so intense.”

  My hope popped like a bubble as I sighed. “He looks at everyone that way.”

  “With you it’s different.” Stephanie shrugged. “But that’s probably because you got stuck tutoring that dumbass.”

  Aubrey gave a snort of agreement. “Seriously. How did you get stuck with him?”

  I opened my mouth but I was too angry to speak. And let’s face it, I was too much of a coward to say what needed to be said. He wasn’t the dumbass, I was. And I didn’t get stuck with him. He’d gotten stuck with me.

  Stephanie started talking again before I could spit it out. “I just saw him out in the halls hovering around your locker like some kind of creepy stalker.”

  “He’s out there?” I instinctively took a step toward the door to the locker room, eager to see him. I’d been avoiding him, but I needed to see him. With him I could be honest. With him I needed to be honest.

  I’d tackle my teammates, and my family, and my classmates at some point, but for now, I couldn’t go one more minute being a coward with Connor.

  Not when he’d been so good to me. Not just by helping me, but by stepping in to save me from the lie I’d let everyone believe. The lie that I had it all together. That my life was perfect. That I was perfect.

  No one was perfect. Everyone knew that. So why did I have such a hard time letting people see the truth?

  That was a question for another time and another day, because right now only one thing mattered. I had to find Connor. I had to make this right.

  He might not like me like I liked him, but he deserved the truth. I owed him that much, at least.

  “I’ve got to go,” I said, already moving past them, grabbing my bag
and ignoring their protests. They weren’t done talking, apparently, but I was.

  I ran out into the hallway toward my locker but I didn’t see him. I did, however, see a book propped up against my locker, with a note attached.

  I ran over to it and picked it up. The Physics of the Buffyverse. I laughed at the title and at the sight of Connor’s handwriting on the note taped to the front. Read the marked chapters before your Physics test next week.

  My heart thumped painfully in my chest. Okay, so that wasn’t quite the love note I’d been hoping for. But the fact that he’d reached out, that he’d given me a gift, that had to mean he cared, right? At least somewhat?

  If nothing else, he cared about my grades. And let’s face it. I still needed his help. It was my stupid pride that had said no when he’d offered to keep tutoring me. I’d been humiliated because that kiss had meant something to me and crushed to find out that it hadn’t to him.

  If Stephanie and Aubrey had just seen him out here then he couldn’t be far. Without thinking it through, I raced back down the hallway and out the side door that led to the parking lot. Sure enough, I saw Connor walking slowly toward his car.

  I raced to catch up and when I was almost near he must have heard me coming because he stopped and turned around.

  I caught the flicker of a grin, there and gone so fast I’d almost missed it but it warmed me all the way through. Connor didn’t smile for just anyone. Something about being one of the lucky few who’d seen that smile, who’d heard his low laugh, who’d heard him sing…it made me feel like I was part of an exclusive club. One that I didn’t want to leave.

  I held up the book as I drew close enough to talk. “A present? You shouldn’t have.”

  He shrugged and I caught the flicker of uncertainty in his eyes. He was just as uncomfortable as I was, which oddly made me far more comfortable. “I bought it for you last week, before—”

  Before that kiss. Before I’d fired him as my tutor. Before I’d told him I’d never kissed a guy before.

  Yes, I remembered.

  He continued, skipping over the awkward bits. “Anyways, I thought it might still be useful. It uses Buffy episodes to explain different physics concepts and I thought it might make it more interesting for you and—”