The Deal Breakers (Love Quiz Book 2) Page 6

  Her lips pressed together in a thin line.

  That had…not made things right. And yet, I kept babbling. “We made a deal, remember? We wouldn’t do this.”

  She nodded. “I remember.” Her jaw worked and she swallowed convulsively.

  Ah crap, she was trying not to cry.

  And me? I was scrambling. Floundering. Trying to pin down a single emotion in this avalanche of feelings that was making coherent thought impossible and speech even more difficult.

  “We shouldn’t do this,” I said again, even as I fought the urge to pull her back into my arms and kiss her again until we both forgot everything else.

  She nodded but I couldn’t tell if she was agreeing with me or just acknowledging what I’d said.

  “Our friendship,” I said, desperation creeping into my tone. I didn’t want to hurt her, but I didn’t want to hurt us either. “I can’t live without you as my friend,” I said.

  She nodded quickly again and took a step back. “I get it. I do.”

  She didn’t. I could see by the hurt in her eyes, the rejection…

  The pain.

  All she heard was that I didn’t want her, but I did. I wanted her in my life so badly I couldn’t risk losing her because of something as fickle as romantic love.

  “I should go,” she said, walking back another step.

  “Jessica, wait,” I said. “We should talk.”

  She didn’t wait. She didn’t acknowledge that she’d heard me. She turned and ran inside her house and I stood there for way too long trying to figure out what on earth had just happened.

  I was still trying to figure out what I was supposed to do when we ended up in psych class again.

  It was awkward. There was no other way around it.

  Jessica wouldn’t look at me, let alone talk to me. And I wasn’t much better. I had no idea what to say to her so I kept quiet too, shooting looks in her direction as if maybe I could read her mind if I just stared hard enough.

  So yeah, we were acting strange, especially for us. But so was everyone else in our group. Edie and Dane had some sort of weird tension going on between them and that sweet, nerdy girl Anna looked like she was trying to disappear in plain sight as she kept her head bent down. Even the too-cool-for-school biker dude was acting odder than usual. Rather than sitting there looking like he was about to nod off at a moment’s notice, he was sneaking looks at Anna, his partner, like she was about to say something super important.

  She didn’t.

  No one did.

  Edie and Dane rehashed this ridiculous plan to fool a stupid freakin’ app and then reveal all the results at the Valentine’s Day dance.

  So melodramatic, but Edie seemed to think it would give the final presentation some flair if we tied it all into Valentine’s Day.

  Whatever. I just wanted this over with.

  Whose stupid idea was it to use our freakin’ love lives as fodder for a dumb psych paper?

  We were like guinea pigs in a lab and I couldn’t wait for this all to be over and done with. Maybe then things with me and Jessica could go back to normal.

  Yeah, right.

  I ignored that nagging voice like I’d been doing all weekend, just like I’d ignored the fact that Jessica hadn’t reached out to me, not once.

  This was officially the longest we’d gone without talking, and it was killing me. I had so much to say and yet—I had no idea what I wanted to say.

  I just wanted this friction between us to be gone.

  I wanted things to go back to how they used to be. I wanted my partner-in-crime back. I missed my best friend. I was miserable without her, plain and simple. I had other friends, and I had my family, but there was no one in my life who compared with Jessica. No one made me laugh like she did, or understood me so completely the way she did, or listened like she did, or called me out on my crap like she did, or—

  “Rex, you okay?” Dane asked me this, which was weird because, while we hung out in the same circles, we definitely weren’t friends.

  “Yeah, why?” I asked.

  Dane arched his brows and looked around pointedly. Everyone else had left.

  I scrambled to grab my things and get out of my seat. Jessica had already left while I’d been sitting here like an idiot thinking about what I could say or do to make things right.

  “You okay?” Dane asked again as he stepped away so I could pass.

  “Yeah, just great,” I mumbled.

  “How’d it go with Missy?” he asked.

  I stared at him blankly. “Who?”

  Dane’s brows arched. “That great, huh?”

  I gave my head a little shake as my mind called up a hazy memory of Saturday night’s date with that sophomore Dane had picked out for me. “She was…nice.”

  Dane winced. “Maybe we should pick someone else.”

  “No,” I said quickly. It had been bad enough pretending to enjoy myself with a perfectly nice girl like Missy. The thought of going on another first date was painful.

  No one Dane picked would be able to get my mind off of Jessica…or our kiss.

  I shut my eyes and took a deep breath. There it was again. The punch in the gut sensation I’d become familiar with. It was the feeling I got every time my brain went there.

  And it would not stop going there.

  Every other minute I found myself thinking about that kiss. And every time I felt like someone took a bat to my stomach and left me winded and ready to fall over.

  “Did you make plans to go out with her again?” Dane asked as I walked toward the door.

  Embarrassingly enough, I almost asked ‘with who?’ but caught myself just in time. Missy. Right. “Uh, yeah, I guess so. I mean, I have to for the experiment, right?”

  “Right.” Dane slowed his walk a bit as we entered the hallway. “Look, about that…”

  I spotted Jessica down the hall talking to Anna. The need to talk to her, to be close to her…I was heading her way before I could think through what I was going to say. “See you later, Dane.”

  “Rex, I was going to say…”

  I didn’t stop. It was rude, but I saw Anna walk away and I knew Jessica was about to head to her next class so I ignored him, although I did catch his sarcastic, “Good talk” as I ran away.

  “Jessica!” I called out before I got to her and I saw her flinch, her shoulders coming up a solid inch at the sound of my voice.

  That flinch made my own chest squeeze in pain. I didn’t want things to change between us. Was that too much to ask?

  But never in my life had I ever seen Jessica unhappy to see me, or go out of her way to avoid me.

  At least she didn’t run away. She stayed where she was until I reached her side.

  “Hey,” I said, sounding more winded than I felt. “Can we talk?”

  She turned slowly to face me and I hated the look I saw there. This wasn’t my Jessica. I mean, it was Jessica but it was the Jessica that everyone else in this school saw. She wore a little smile, but it was her eyes that gave her away. She was shut down. All I saw was the surface, what she wanted me to see.

  I saw the façade she showed the rest of the world. A well-adjusted pretty blonde with a great attitude and a winning smile.

  That was who Jessica was…but she was also so much more.

  So much more than anyone realized.

  I’d always been the lucky guy who knew that. I was the special chosen one who’d been let inside.

  And now…I’d been kicked out.

  “Hey, Rex,” she said, that familiar drawl making me homesick for the girl who was standing right in front of me. “What’s up?”

  I stared at her. What’s up? What’s up?

  If I didn’t know any better I’d have thought she’d forgotten all about that kiss.

  But I did know better. I knew how much it meant to her. And her voice as she’d said ‘You’ was still all I could hear when I tried to fall asleep at night.

  She’d wanted me.

 
I struggled to swallow. All words in the English language failed me. Not one word came to mind, and certainly no words that would make this situation better.

  She arched her brows. “Did you want something?”

  “I—” I took a deep breath. “I was wondering if you were coming to my game on Friday night.”

  Her silence lasted a little too long and she looked away as she cleared her throat.

  That right there was my answer.

  “Sorry,” she said. “I, uh…I have another date.”

  Rage. Fury. Jealousy. Call it what you will, but it was impossible to deny. My blood turned to molten lava as my gut churned at the thought of her going out with another guy. “Who? Tommy?”

  She pushed a lock of hair behind her ear in a gesture I recognized. It was something she did when she was nervous.

  She’d never once done that when talking to me.

  “He wants to take me to that new indie movie at the Duplo theater—”

  “That Chinese movie?”

  She nodded.

  “It’s supposed to be scary,” I said.

  She stiffened slightly. “Yeah, well, maybe I’ll like it.”

  “You don’t like scary movies,” I pointed out, perhaps a bit too gruffly judging by her frown.

  “I haven’t tried to watch one in a long time,” she said, her gaze never wavering from mine. “Maybe I like them now.”

  “You get nightmares.” Oh crap, it was happening again. I was turning into Old Man Rexman.

  Her brows drew together in irritation. “No, Rex. I used to get nightmares. When I was twelve. I don’t anymore.”

  “How do you know?” I asked. And yeah, my voice was rising. People were staring. I got this feeling we weren’t talking about scary movies anymore and I wasn’t exactly sure what we were getting at here. All I knew was—I was frustrated. And angry. And jealous.

  And I had no idea what that meant or what to do about it.

  “You’re right,” she said, straightening to her full height, which brought her close to eye level. “I don’t know because I haven’t tried to watch one since I was a kid. Maybe I like scary movies now.”

  I squinted at her. “Are we still talking about scary movies?”

  She shook her head, her blonde hair flying around her shoulders. “No, you idiot. I’m talking about the fact that I’ve grown up. You’ve grown up.” She took a step toward me, her chin tilting up in defiance. “I’m talking about the fact that you want to pretend that we haven’t. That nothing has changed.”

  “It hasn’t—” I started, my gut twisting with a fear I didn’t want to face.

  “I have,” she interrupted, her voice short, her drawl pronounced.

  I hadn’t felt this feeling since my dad walked out and left us behind. She was going to walk away from me.

  I was going to lose my girl.

  “Jessica, we made a deal—” I reached out for her but she pulled away from my grip with another shake of her head.

  “We made that deal when we kids, Rex.” Her eyes widened and they shimmered with unshed tears. “I’m sorry I broke it. I didn’t mean to fall for you. If I could change the way I feel I would.”

  I stared at her in shock. Fall for you. She’d fallen for me. My best friend didn’t just want to kiss me. Deep down, I knew that, but hearing her say it was another matter. My heart was pounding against my ribcage and I gulped down air.

  She gave me a sad little smile. “But I’m not sorry that it’s out in the open.” She shrugged. “I can’t pretend anymore. I don’t want to pretend.”

  “Jessica—”

  “No,” she said. “Don’t talk. Just listen. I’ve been thinking about what you said that day in the cafeteria, about how I play it safe, how I don’t let new people in. How I hide behind our friendship.”

  I flinched at my own words. Now that I knew, now when she said it like that—

  “You were right,” she said. “Sort of. I mean, not in the way you meant it, but you were right that I’d been avoiding other guys because of you.”

  I stared at her blankly as her meaning hit home. She hadn’t been afraid to let new people in; she’d been waiting for me to open my eyes and see her there. The air seemed to disappear from the hallway.

  “I’m done doing that now, because you were right. It’s time for me to meet new people, to get out there and…” She gave a helpless shrug. “Move on.”

  Her words were slicing me open and my guts were spilling out. I had no idea what to say to make this right. I didn’t want to hurt her any more than I already had. But I couldn’t lose her, either. I just couldn’t.

  “Jessica—”

  “Hey, Rex!” Missy’s voice came from behind me and then she was there at my side. “Are we still on for this weekend?”

  I stared at the girl whose name I couldn’t quite remember and who I barely remembered going out with. “Uh…”

  She grinned as though that was a yes. “I had a great time the other night.”

  She went up on tiptoe and kissed my cheek. I flinched. I hadn’t even kissed her the other night—how could I have when my lips were still tingling from that epic kiss I’d shared with Jessica. I turned to tell Jessica that I hadn’t kissed Missy, I’d only gone on a date with her for the sake of the experiment.

  I needed her to know that.

  “Jess—” I turned around to find her gone.

  She was already walking away.

  Chapter 7

  Jessica

  I wasn’t proud of the way I’d handled myself with Rex.

  I’d meant what I’d said about being glad it was in the open—although glad wasn’t the right word.

  Relieved, more like.

  But all the relief in the world didn’t change the fact that my heart was still broken.

  “Great practice today, Jessica.” One of my friends from the team shouted that on her way out of the locker room.

  I forced a smile like everything was fine. Pretending that everything was fine was an old habit. Rex had been right. He’d been right about a lot of things.

  He’d also been an idiot about a lot of things.

  My best friend—the sometimes insightful moron.

  The thought made my lips twitch up in the first honest smile in what felt like ages. It hadn’t been that long, it just felt like it.

  And now… Well, now the moment I’d been dreading was past. I’d faced Rex’s rejection head on and I’d lived to tell the tale.

  By the time I finished in the locker rooms, I was one of the last to leave, and I had to hustle. The guys would start showing up soon to warm up for their game tonight, which meant Rex would be here.

  I so did not want to run into Rex. Not now when I still felt like one raw nerve ending.

  “Hey, Jessica!” I’d taken one step outside the gymnasium doors when I heard Tommy Miller call my name.

  I found I didn’t have to force a smile when I saw him standing there, his hands shoved into his pockets with a cute little grin on his face.

  “What are you doing here?” I asked when I reached him.

  “I thought I’d surprise you and pick you up here instead of meeting you at the movies.”

  It was sweet that he’d been too excited to wait. I tried to summon up any semblance of enthusiasm in return.

  “You ready to go?” he asked.

  I nodded but my feet refused to move. Rex’s game was tonight. Was it just habit that made me want to stay? I’d never once missed one of his games. Which was fine, great even. Friends supported friends. But I wasn’t his girlfriend. He didn’t need me there for support all the time.

  I bit my lip to hold back the stab of pain. It wasn’t like I’d been surprised to find out he didn’t see me that way.

  Although that kiss…

  I closed my eyes, temporarily off-balance by the visceral memory. That had been so much more than just a kiss for me. That had been life-altering. It had felt like coming home, like finally finding the place where I belonge
d in the world.

  And then he’d run away.

  Maybe not physically, but he might as well have. I’d seen him emotionally retreat. I’d seen the regret. The horror.

  It might have been the most amazing kiss in the world for me, but for Rex?

  Clearly, it had been his nightmare.

  Our sacred deal was broken. And maybe he’d been right all those years ago. Maybe Tommy had been right, too.

  Maybe there were some lines that friends just couldn’t cross. Not without permanently altering the relationship.

  “If you’re too tired, we don’t have to see the movie,” he said, concern written all over his face. His nice, handsome, nice face.

  I took a deep breath.

  He was so dang nice. I didn’t have the heart to tell him that I didn’t want to spend time with anyone, I just wanted to go home. He’d be hurt and I’d be letting down the people in my group project. All I had to do to get a good grade was go on a few dates with someone who was not Rex.

  Not a big deal.

  Rex was probably taking Missy out after the game tonight anyway. He didn’t need me there to cramp his style, and I was done waiting around for someone who didn’t want me.

  “Let’s do this,” I said, linking my arm through Tommy’s and letting him lead me toward his car “I’m sure I’ll get a second wind once we get there.”

  “You know,” Tommy said when we’d climbed in and he’d started the car. “I was surprised that you’d agreed to a second date.”

  “Oh?”

  “I mean, I know that it’s part of your school assignment and all—” He laughed when I grimaced in embarrassment. I’d told Edie that she could set me up with him on the condition that he knew the truth about this dating deal.

  I was glad he knew, but it still sounded bad when he said it out loud like that. Also, it reminded me of how little thought I’d been giving this experiment. Edie had tried to talk to me after class the other day and I’d practically run away rather than face her and tell her that Rex and I were single-handedly ruining the project because for the first time in our lives we weren’t joined at the hip.

  “You okay?” Tommy asked.