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I spun around and looked back towards the pool deck but Lindsay and Kevin Canarsie stood in the doorway talking. I turned back to see my friends watching me with concern. I was trapped. Students were starting to file out of the elevator. I was a deer in headlights. Any second now Ryan would step out and see me. I acted out of pure instinct and dove behind the nearest potted ferns. Adam followed right behind me.

  “Ryan!” Victoria squealed.

  Ryan’s voice was muffled behind the plants but I could still make it out and my heart raced even faster at the sound of it.

  “Hey Vicky! Mark, good to see you, man.”

  “You too!” Victoria said. Her voice was unusually shrill with nerves.

  “Are Eve and Adam here, too?” he asked.

  I must have let out a little gasp at the sound of my name because Adam grabbed my hand and gave a little squeeze of warning. It took everything in me not to peek out and sneak a look at him. Oh God, I’d missed him.

  Only the thought of how humiliating it would be if he spotted me hiding behind a plant kept me still.

  “No, Eve’s not here,” Victoria answered quickly. Too quickly. “She’s at the mall.”

  “The mall?” Ryan repeated.

  The mall? Adam mouthed. He bit his lip to keep from laughing. This was so not a laughing matter.

  “Yeah, she had to run out for an errand or something,” Mark covered. “But she’ll be back later.”

  Their voices got softer as they walked away and seconds later, Mark’s voice came from the other side of the fern.

  “Coast is clear. You two can come out now.”

  I slinked out from behind the plants, feeling absolutely ridiculous. It is an amazing testament to the kindness of my friends that they resisted the urge to mock me mercilessly for my complete and utter mental breakdown.

  Mark was holding the elevator open and we all piled in. I leaned against the cool glass wall inside and closed my eyes.

  “Are you okay?” Adam asked.

  I opened my eyes to see them watching me with concern—sort of the way one watches a patient in the psych ward. “I’m fine,” I said, hoping it sounded a little more genuine to them than it did to me. I was not fine. I was far from fine.

  “You are not fine,” Adam said. “You are far from fine.” Sometimes Adam had a creepy way of reading my mind.

  “Wanna talk about it?” he asked.

  “Not yet.”

  “You sure?”

  I nodded and the doors slid open with a ding. Adam and the others made a move to follow me but I held out a hand to stop them. “I just need a little time,” I said. “You guys go back to the party.”

  “You gonna be okay?” Adam asked.

  I tried to give him the closest thing to a smile I could muster. “It’s just a shock, that’s all. I’ll be fine. I just need some air.”

  Adam let me go and I took off for the beach.

  Chapter Five

  The warm ocean breeze and salty air worked wonders. The sand was soft beneath my feet and I took off my shoes and let my toes sink. I closed my eyes and listened to the gentle, rhythmic sound of the waves. Just breathe, Eve.

  It’s not like I never thought this day would come. I figured Ryan and I would have to bump into each other eventually. But, seeing that he’d jetted off to a city three thousand miles away and I was mere months away from a new life in one of the biggest cities in the world—I had kind of hoped this day wouldn’t come until I was, oh, eighty or so. At which point, I figured enough time would have passed where I’d be more than able to handle the situation with style and grace.

  But now it seemed I had to change the timeline from roughly sixty years to six months. Not fair. I wasn’t ready. Just thinking about Ryan made my heart ache. He was my first love. My first and only real boyfriend. The boy who’d made me feel more alive than I’d ever felt before and then, more miserable than I’d ever thought humanly possible. How was I supposed to face him?

  The soothing sounds of the wind and waves was rudely interrupted by an insistent chirping noise coming from my cell. I don’t know how long I was out there trying to clear my head and settle my nerves, but it couldn’t have been much more than fifteen minutes. In that time I must have gotten a dozen texts from Adam and Victoria asking how I was.

  I thought about heading back to the party but a fresh wave of panic held me in its grip at the mere thought. I weighed my options. I tried to picture how this meeting would go. What would I say? What would he say? Just picturing the possible scenarios was enough to make me hyperventilate. There was no way I could do this. I just wasn’t ready.

  I headed in the direction of Adam’s house. I knew it was pathetic, to hide out in an empty house rather than face my ex but I would rather be a pathetic wimp at home alone than a humiliated wreck in front of everyone I knew. Adam and Victoria were still inundating me with texts and the constant chirping of my phone was driving me crazy. I sent them a hasty text saying “Can’t go back. Need some space. See you later” and shut off my phone.

  The house was dark and quiet when I got there. A little too dark and quiet. I wasn’t in the mood to listen to music and my mind was racing far too much for TV or a movie. I paced around the house restlessly before grabbing one of Mimi’s quilts, and curling up on the couch on the patio. With the porch lights off, I could see the stars and hear the waves crash against the shore. I let the soothing sound lull me and focused on finding pictures in the stars. Anything to avoid reliving memories of Ryan.

  I don’t know how long I lay there, curled up in a ball, before I drifted off to sleep. And I don’t know how long I slept before I was rudely awakened.

  “There you are!” Adam practically shouted. The bright porch light flipped on. “She’s out here, you guys!” he called into the house.

  “Hey,” I grumbled. “Turn off the light.”

  Adam flipped off the light but he wasn’t done tormenting me. He squeezed onto the couch beside me. “You had me worried sick.”

  I was struggling to wake up. “Why?” I mumbled sleepily.

  “Why?” he repeated in disbelief. “Because we couldn’t find you when we came home. We walked home on the beach and you weren’t there and then when we got home you weren’t in bed and you weren’t in the house and there was no note or anything which isn’t like you and—”

  I held up a hand and covered his mouth.

  “I get it,” I said.

  I inched over so he could sit comfortably on the couch and I lay back down, using his lap for a pillow.

  “Sorry,” I yawned. “I didn’t mean to fall asleep.”

  He took a deep breath and for a minute I thought he was going to launch into another lecture but he just exhaled heavily and absently played with my hair.

  “You okay?” he asked.

  I wished he hadn’t asked. Sleep had been a nice respite from thinking. But sleep had also managed to calm me down to the point where I could talk about Ryan’s arrival without fear of completely losing it.

  “I’ll be okay,” I said.

  Adam didn’t miss my choice of words. “You will be,” he reassured me. “It just takes time.”

  I nodded halfheartedly. “I hope so.”

  “I know so.”

  I laughed softly, my eyes still shut, holding onto the peaceful haze of sleepiness as long as possible.

  “What’s so funny?”

  “No offense, Adam, but you’re not exactly an expert in heartbreak.”

  “Hey, I’ve had my share of breakups.”

  “Yeah, but you’re always the one doing the breaking up,” I reminded him.

  “That doesn’t mean I haven’t been hurt in love,” he said.

  That made me open my eyes and turn so I was looking up at him. “There’s one big flaw in your logic, Adam. You’ve never been in love.”

  He grinned down at me. “Fine. So maybe I don’t have a lot of firsthand knowledge of what you’re going through. But I have seen my fair share of sappy chick flicks—”

&n
bsp; “You have?” I cut in with a laugh.

  He gave me a look of disbelief. “Oh please. Do you really think Lindsay and I went to see action movies together? I have sat through more chick flicks than you have, I guarantee it.”

  “Okay, oh wise one,” I giggled. “And what sage wisdom did you gain from these movies?”

  He ticked them off on his hand. “That nerdy girls can be transformed into hotties in the course of one montage, that cheesy pop songs and true love are intimately entwined, and that the jerks who are stupid enough to walk out on the heroine always come to regret it in the end.”

  We were both laughing now and for one moment I was able to push aside the painful memories. “Thanks, Adam,” I said.

  He stroked my hair out of my face and settled back into the couch. “No problem. Now go back to sleep.”

  Chapter Six

  The sun woke us up at the crack of dawn and we stumbled inside and collapsed in the living room. I closed my eyes and tried to fall back to sleep but it was no use. My mind was awake and it picked up right where it had left off the night before. The worst part was, it wasn’t like I was having all sorts of new insights or breakthroughs about me or Ryan or our relationship. I was just replaying the same old conversations, the same old memories over and over. I was beginning to feel like a hamster on a wheel.

  I thought I’d distract myself by making breakfast for everyone but it was still far too early for the others. I had hours before they’d emerge from their bedrooms. I settled down at the kitchen table with a large cup of coffee and the morning paper. I’d read the paper front to back and done every crossword puzzle and word jumble I could find when the others finally started to trickle in. Victoria was first and she gratefully took the mug of tea I offered her before curling up on one of the kitchen chairs.

  “How’re you holding up, hon?” she asked.

  “I’m fine,” I shrugged. We sat quietly for a bit as Victoria woke up. I was practically bursting with questions. I wanted to hear every detail of the night before. How he’d looked, what he’d worn, what he’d said. Had he asked about me? Did he know I’d be here?

  “Okay,” Victoria said, putting her mug down with finality. “I’m ready.”

  “For what?”

  She rolled her eyes. “I’m guessing you want a play by play, am I right?”

  I grimaced. “Am I that obvious?”

  “No, just human.” She settled into her chair and picked at one of the donuts I’d set on the table and started to talk. True to her word, she gave a complete play by play of the entire night, leaving absolutely nothing out. I mean nothing. Not that I was complaining. Victoria was right, I wanted to hear it all.

  The story in a nutshell: Ryan showed up much to everyone’s surprise. Everyone except Lindsay. Evidently they’d kept in touch over the past six months. He was the center of attention, of course. The prodigal son. The rock star who was on his way to the big time. He told everyone, it seemed, how great the West Coast tour had gone.

  Victoria had it from many sources that they were thisclose to being signed by a major record label. She didn’t talk to him for too long herself, he was too in demand it seemed and, besides, Victoria was trying to snub him for my sake. (Most people don’t actually realize when they’re being snubbed by Victoria. She’s not terribly good at it but none of us has the heart to tell Victoria that.)

  What she could tell me was that he looked the same—her tactful way of saying, he still looks as hot as ever—and that he was wearing his standard issue grunge uniform of layered, dirty T-shirts and worn, holey jeans. Nothing newsworthy there.

  “Was he with anyone?” I asked.

  “He came with the guys from the band,” Victoria said.

  “Where’s he staying?”

  Victoria shifted uncomfortably in her seat. “It looks like they’re crashing with Lindsay and her friends.”

  “What? All of them in one room?” I asked. My voice sounded thin. I really didn’t like the effect Ryan was having on me.

  “I don’t think it’s like that,” Victoria said. “Jen’s mom booked them a huge suite. They’ve got tons of room.”

  That didn’t make me feel much better but it was better than nothing. “How long is he going to be here?”

  Victoria shrugged. “He didn’t say. At least, he didn’t say anything to my sources.”

  Victoria was really getting into her role of private investigator.

  “Oh great,” I moaned. “So he could be here all week?”

  Adam walked into the kitchen and I accosted him.

  “Is there a bus that goes back home?” I asked.

  He gave me a blank, sleepy stare. He was useless before he had his coffee.

  “Maybe Mimi has a bus schedule around here somewhere,” I said.

  “Eve?” Adam said. When I didn’t stop rifling through the kitchen drawers, he came over and took me by the shoulders and led me to a seat at the table.

  “Sit,” he ordered.

  I sat.

  “Drink,” he put a cup of juice in front of me.

  I took a sip.

  “Breathe.”

  I took a deep breath.

  “Right. Sorry,” I mumbled. I was acting crazy, I knew I was, but I couldn’t seem to stop. Ryan just had that effect on me.

  Mark shuffled in and went straight for the coffeemaker.

  “Morning!” Victoria chirped. He gave a little grunt of acknowledgment. Mark, unlike Victoria, was most decidedly not a morning person.

  “What did I miss?” Mark asked once he safely had his coffee in hand. Victoria filled him in on our conversation, ending with, “…so now Eve’s freaking out about how to survive a whole week in the same town as Ryan.”

  “It’s fine,” I cut in, trying to sound rational and in control. “I can just hang out here this week.”

  The other three gave me that crazy look again like they were ready and waiting with the straight jacket.

  “No, seriously, it’s not that big a deal,” I insisted. “Our beach is basically private, I should be safe out there. And I don’t really need to do all the boardwalk stuff.”

  “That’s your favorite part!” Adam interjected.

  I pretended not to hear him. “And if I just sit out the class parties and events…I should be good to go. I think I can make it through this week without running into him.”

  I was pretty pleased with my plan but by the looks I was getting, it was clear I was the only one.

  “You’re actually going to hide at home this entire week just to avoid seeing him?” Adam asked. Horror warred with disbelief in his voice.

  I knew he didn’t understand. Say what he will about cheesy chick flicks—the boy had no idea concept of what it meant to have a broken heart.

  “I don’t mind,” I insisted.

  “Well, I do,” Adam said. “I came here to hang out with my friends. And that includes you. This might be our last summer at the beach house. I’m not going to let some jerk like Ryan ruin it.”

  “But—” I started.

  “I’m not going to let you hide out here all week,” Adam insisted. “Not gonna happen.”

  “She doesn’t have to hide out all week,” Mark interrupted.

  Adam and I turned to face him. “What do you mean?” I asked.

  “He’s not going to be here all week,” he said. “Their band’s playing in Philly on Monday so they’re leaving tomorrow morning. If you’re actually planning on hiding out just to avoid Ryan, you only have to stay out of sight for today.”

  I shot Adam a triumphant look. “One day? That’s not so bad! And then we can get back to our previously scheduled programming.”

  Adam looked slightly mollified but I knew he still hated that Ryan’s mere presence was infringing on our vacation. Only Victoria still looked perturbed. “How did you find out he’s leaving tomorrow?” she asked Mark.

  “I asked him.”

  Victoria frowned. “Oh.”

  Clearly such an obvious metho
d of getting the scoop had never occurred to her.

  * * *

  We spent the remainder of the day puttering around the house, taking turns showering and changing. I was in the living room playing a video game with Adam when there was a knock on the door. My heart raced as I had a slight moment of panic as Adam went to answer the door, but it wasn’t Ryan on our doorstep, it was Ashley and Marie, the two girls we’d met on the beach the day before.

  “Hi!” Ashley bounded in and planted a kiss on Adam’s cheek. Marie slid in behind her, smiling shyly.

  “What are you guys up to today?” Ashley asked before slipping past Adam into the living room and plopping down on the couch. She didn’t bother to acknowledge my existence even though I was sitting less than two feet away.

  “Can you believe this weather?” she prattled on without waiting for answers. “Oh my God, I’m going to go crazy if it rains all day. I hate the rain, don’t you? Marie and I are totally bored at home. There’s absolutely nothing to do. What are you guys doing?”

  She smiled up at him, waiting for an answer. “Uh…” Adam stalled. I shot him a warning look. “I’m not sure yet,” he finished. “We don’t really have any plans.”

  I sighed with relief. Adam had a weakness for pretty young blondes and I was afraid that would temporarily interfere with his common sense. Looks like brains beat beauty in this case.

  “Well in that case, why don’t you hang out with us?” Ashley said. “We could go to the mall…”

  “Uh, thanks,” Adam interrupted. “But I think Wilma had her heart set on going to a museum today.”

  I tried not to laugh at Adam’s lame lie. There were no museums in Wildwood unless you counted Ripley’s Believe it or Not.

  Ashley’s face fell. “A museum?”

  Adam nodded gravely and gave her a knowing look that said, can you believe how boring my friend is?

  I just love being the scapegoat.

  After a little more chatting on Ashley’s end and a halfhearted promise from Adam that they’d do something another time, she and her sister finally left.

  “You’re heartless,” I said as Victoria bounded down the stairs.